But onto the more important things, Christ is Risen! HE'S BACK GUYS. AND MAN IS HE SO GOOD. This weekend (Holy Thursday-Easter Sunday) has been full of prayer, and fasting for me. And God is truly with us today. Lemme tell you about the miracles God has given me this weekend.
Wednesday, I had a meeting with my IMPACT peer ministry group while I also had auditions for my schools pop choir group thing. My audition started around 5:30 and then I had time to go to IMPACT at 6:30. I got there and I was paranoid that I would miss my phase 2, so I left early around 7:50. On my way out, Nikki, our teacher/helper/ministerish lady, told me to pray to St. Cecilia. St. Cecilia is my saint and the name that was given to me at confirmation. I got super excited. On my way back to phase 2, I prayed sooooo hard to St. Cecilia. And yeah. I went on with my audition.
Holy Thursday:
I went to mass that night and I had never attended mass on Holy Week. Ever. I had been to one Easter mass 4 years ago and I was new to the faith and confused. This has been the only year where I have gone to mass most every week. Anyways, it was very beautiful. I teared up. Holy Thursday commemorates Christ's commandment at the last supper to his apostles. ("A new commandment I give unto you: That you love one another, as I have loved you" John 13:34) I prayed during that mass that God would show everyone how much he loves us. That God would sacrifice his only son, a PERFECT man, for the forgiveness of sins for those unworthy. Us sinners. And that breaks my heart. And this is the first time I've really noticed it. Which is why I decided to get serious this weekend. BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE! The mass ended around 9:00pm. I walked out and looked at my phone. I MADE FORTE. MY AUDITION WAS ENOUGH. AND I WASN'T EXCITED FOR MYSELF. I WAS EXCITED FOR GOD. FOR ST, CECILIA. I couldn't thank my self. I thanked God, for the amazing talent he has given me. For the gift of my voice from which I will proclaim his good news. After I freaked out, I went to 4 hours of adoration. During that time, I thanked God. I prayed for those who haven't experienced God's love. And time FLEW.
Good Friday: Good Friday should be super sad, but I was super happy. I went to stations of the cross and I began to really understand the pain Jesus went through during his passion. But it never really hit me. During mass we got to kiss the cross. And it was an honor. Completely. After it, we went to a friends house to watch the Passion of the Christ. OH MY GOODNESS. Then it hit me. I am SO WEAK compared to Jesus. The earthly struggles we face here are NOTHING compared to being WHIPPED, CUT, THROWN, HIT, and then after TRY to carry a GIANT WOODEN CROSS up a mountain. Even with help, he fell. He cried, the pain in his eyes was so much. And everyone sitting there yelling "If you're the son of God, why don't you save yourself?!" And he forgave them all through the ridicule and pain. "Forgive them Father, they know not what they do." He got crucified with 6in nails while the other criminals just got tied on it. And he died for us. He died in pain and suffering, far more than we have probably ever experienced. And then he rose from the dead, to keep on going. To help us all to the kingdom of God.
Holy Saturday: What better way to celebrate Easter with Easter Vigil. The most BEAUTIFUL mass I have ever been to. At that moment I knew I loved my faith. I knew that the Holy Spirit swept through that church changing the hearts of those in it. And man did it feel wonderful. Christ rose from the dead that night and people got baptized, their 1st communion, and confirmed into the Catholic Church. I wish I remembered my baptism now that I realize what a big deal it was. I wish I knew what I was receiving during my 1st communion, and I wish I knew what was happening during my confirmation. I get it. And now I'm so excited to keep growing in my faith life. Because Jesus died on a cross for us, like the worst criminals, through he was guilty of no crime. He died for us, and for our sins, when we were not worthy. And now he looks upon us and no matter what we have done, forgives us and shows us unconditional, and unfathomable LOVE. Pure LOVE. And until now, I know what fills the void in my heart. The one that I've been struggling with for so long. Filled with self-abuse, and such hatred. The devil really wanted me. Tried to ruin me. Tried to kill me by my own hand and now... I am in God's hand. My angels fight off the demons that I face and I can feel it. And I don't think I've been happier. This all hit me this weekend. And I am so happy that it did. God has truly blessed me this Easter season, and plans to do so for a long time.
When God puts me through the test and leaves me, I know I will start to slip into the abyss that I have been through multiple times. But I will lay myself down in defeat and give it all to Christ. Because I now know that He is there. And he holds me in His arms and close to His heart forever.
