Occasionally, i'll ponder the thought. As a Catholic i'm called to believe in Heaven, the kingdom of eternal rest. And I think, well if I have that to look forward to, what am I doing here? In a non-suicidal way. I mean really, what's the point of hanging out on this...corrupted planet we like to call our home? On a retreat I was on a couple weekends ago, we spent some time in Eucharistic Adoration, and I didn't feel a care in the world. I was so in love with the Eucharist that I honestly wanted to stay there forever. I was absolutely heartbroken once I realized I would have to leave the chapel and return to reality. Being with God is my home. I will never feel more at home than when I am with my Savior.
"Please let me stay here, I never want to leave. There's no struggle here, there's no pain here, there's no worry here." - Journal Entry Oct. 26. 2013I feel like that experience was my little piece of Heaven. The Eucharist is where Heaven and Earth meet, for just a moment. But back to my original question: why are we here? If this is only temporary and we're going to the best place EVER, what am I doing here? Well... i'd like to think we're here because our souls aren't ready for Heaven. But, i'm not positive. I just think that we aren't ready to live in such a perfect place. So we're placed here, and we learn from our mistakes everyday. We make good judgments and praise God for our contribution to this ill world; we also made bad decisions that we should learn from to make good judgments. Our bad judgments are forgiven, no matter how severe, as long as we repent and are genuinely sorry for whatever sin we have committed. This world is our playground, and it's our duty to make the best out of it.
So, when we die, how is Christ supposed to help us out?
If we trust in God, death is easy. As weird as it sounds, i'm so chill with death. If I died tomorrow i'd be okay with it, because I know i'm going home. If you die trusting in God, are at peace, and are without serious sin, dude. You're on your way to Heaven. *
"If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's."- Rom 14:8Sadly, sometimes I really do think about suicide. The thought has plagued me for years. I know i'm only sixteen, but i definitely know life doesn't get any easier. How am I supposed to deal with growing older and continuing the path of the journey of life, if I can sometimes not even handle high school? Getting rid of your own self isn't the answer. Feeling worthless and tired is temporary. I've learned to let it go many times. I just have to remind myself that I have purpose, and I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a reason to be here. God doesn't make mistakes, and I am certainly not a mistake.
This thought is what brought me to my new blog title. "I am a light."
While I was in Adoration this past Sunday, I was watching the candles flicker around the room.
The flames we beautiful and bright. The flames were obviously warm and I thought of the other benefits lights have. Lights guide people, and make us feel safe (the dark makes us insecure). But, lights -especially flames- can also destroy.
But one quality of lights that really makes a connection with me is that lights burn out. Light bulbs, fire, stars... they will all go out at one point in time. But, that's not the light's decision. We as humans, are lights. We have all these qualities, but we won't go out until our time here is over. God's time is not ours, and we are necessary to the world while we burn.
So, i'm using this time to shine bright. My goal is to be a light to others and live a better lifestyle, even thought sometimes I flicker and I am not steady in my own life. Hopefully, the world can shine together, and maybe the life we live on Earth won't suck so much. :)
"I am not dying, I am entering life."-St. Therese of Lisieux*A lot of the information I am giving is based of the YOUCAT (Youth Catechism of the Catholic Church)
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